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The Abyss of Hope

Here I float, in a world I wish for no human. A world where one disappears and my existence matters to no one, they all abuse my mind, body, and soul. I don’t even recognize who I am or who I have become. In this new world, a 24 hour day feel like a week, a week feels like months, months feels like years. They understood how to physiologically break me down both physically and mentally. They saw my fragile and vulnerable spirit. It took them minutes to lure me and in a short time, I was in a position where they overpowered me into submission and control.


With each rape, my soul dissipates. With each beating, my body withers until I have lost my entire identity and hope has vanished. It’s hard for me to imagine that this is the purpose of my birth, to serve others with my body against my will. A will I can no longer hold onto. A will long gone into the body of those who took it from me. They now carry me with others who became victims of the same fate. I now live among others in a place where life has no meaning. The world of captivity and abuse is the darkness world one could live in.


I will surely stop existing and die soon enough from all the abuse. If not, I hope to die so that I no longer sink deeper into this darkness. I don’t even have the strength to take my life, but pray that someone would.


There are no words to describe the moment when God rescued me from this abyss of darkness. I now have some strength to fight my way out and rebuild, re-enter, and redefine my life with meaning and purpose. I will survive, I will make it out and move forward understanding I am one of the few who ever see that day of light from that world of evil. With no fault of my own, I became a victim of my surrounding circumstances trying to find a way out. I now have to start loving and forgiving myself. I may have not been loved by those that mattered to me, but I am loved by God. 

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Ray Rosario
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